ABC's of Dating to Marry

The Family Proclamation to the World. "husband and wife have

a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other".1

President Thomas S. Monson stated, "Decisions determine destiny. That is why it is worthwhile to look ahead, to set a course, to be at least partly ready when the moment of decision comes." Thus, we must look ahead to the type of marriage we want, set a course toward that goal, and then prepare every needful thing" (D&C 88:119; D&C 109:8) Successful Marriages and Families2

College education, dating, social events, independence, singles ward, exams, friends, all these events taking center stage in life each competing for a solo can be overwhelming and often confusing. But just like any great play or movie is a well-crafted story. Just as President Monson teaches, we want to set a course toward that goal and prepare.

The ABC's of dating and marriage found in Successful Marriages and Families is a great framework to work within through these exciting and confusing time of life.

A - Awareness: It is important to aware. Pay attention to how that person interacts with their family, what is their family history.  What challenges have they overcome and where do they want to be.  Do they want a Temple marriage? Listen to those around you who love you, seek their advice. Bruce R. McConkie counseled:" The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority." I was 26 and Steve was 30 when we married.  Most of our family worried if either one of us would get married.  But for us it was a blessing to find each other when we did.  We both had a goal of a marrying in the temple to the right person, by the right authority. Three years earlier we met through friends.  For a year we had time to get to know each other's family history, and the challenges we'd had to overcome.  We had grown quickly to have respect and admiration for each other. We soon became close friends and I found myself inviting Steve first to activities and looking to him for his advice and thoughts.  For another year we had become inseparable friends.

B - Build up: We have been taught to avoid hanging out. If a person is significant to us, we should naturally transition to regular communication, regular dates, and both should have a mutual respect and care for each other. 

Thankfully Steve, didn’t want to hang out but asked me on a formal date.  I am so grateful for him seeing a better future for us. I was more apprehensive for fear of losing my best friend if things didn’t work.  But it didn’t take long for me to see how blessed I was to get to love someone who was also my best friend.  It was an incredible gift for us to have had two years of being friends and trusting each other, then move to a romantic dating relationship. 

C - Continuation following commitment: To move to engagement and marriage both must have a mature love for each other.  This means they are both committed to be respectful, have trust, share, and make sacrifices. Both should create and allow for an environment that will allow growth.

We were both striving to live a Christ-like life.  We each appreciated the talents of the other.  We also loved each other despite our faults. We loved each other more because we could each comfortably be ourselves. We wanted to Temple marriage and gospel centered home. One of greatest strengths in our marriage is our deep friendship and love of spending time together.  There is no one I want to be with more or talk to more.

Keeping close to the Holy Ghost allowed us to be patient and looking for the right person. It also was a source of inspiration and confirmation to whom we were to marry.  I am so grateful to have married someone who loves the Lord and wants to serve Him by loving and serving others. 

1 The Family: A Proclamation to the World, paragraph 6

2 Hawkins, J.H., Dollahite, D.C., Draper, T.H., Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspective, Chapter 3, p.16