Foundation for a Lasting Joyful Marriage

The Family Proclamation to the World. "husband and wife have

a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other".1

Marriage is divinely created. As Elder Bednar taught, “The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship.  Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and woman come closer together.”2  As we both strive to follow Christ, we are drawn closer together. When something is special, we treat it differently. We protect it and care for it. Elder Robert D. Hales taught, "An eternal bond doesn’t just happen as a result of sealing covenants we make in the temple. How we conduct ourselves in this life will determine what we will be in all the eternities to come. To receive the blessings of the sealing that our Heavenly Father has given to us, we must keep the commandments and conduct ourselves in such a way that our families will want to live with us in the eternities."3

Love and Friendship are a critical foundational principle in eternal marriages.  Dr. Gottman and Silver stated, “Happy marriage are based on a deep friendship…a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company”4 We do not fall into strong marriages, we create them with consistent choices that strengthen each person. Choose to listen and consider each other's perspective when making decisions, pray together, work together. When differences arise the couples that work together with careful consideration of the other person are marriages that succeed. Very similar insight was given in the Ensign 2000 August, Carin Lund taught four principle of a joyful marriage, gratitude, work, be cheerful, and feed the faith.5

Gratitude: Everyone needs to be appreciated especially our spouse.  Looking for the things my spouse does right leaves us both feeling more love for each other. It also creates greater selflessness and want to thing of the other.  Anyone can find fault in another and criticize which will fill a marriage with sadness and resentment. Marriage is precious and we should handle and treat it in a way to honor that.  Gratitude creates more affection and love for the other.

Work: Have you heard the quote, "Families that work together stay together"? The same holds true for marriages.  One of my favorite things to do is work on a project with Steve, Lowes seems to be our favorite store.  But marriage requires more than Lowes.  In marriage we find ourselves with overwhelming responsibilities of work, school, and children.  We may not be doing the same thing, and sometimes more weight will fall on the other, but our partnership is equal. We are both dedicated to doing whatever is needed and help each other.

Cheerful: Choose happiness. Many of our happiest times were difficult times.  Steve attended evening law school and continued to work full-time as a programmer.  Time together was rare, but our date nights were the best.  Most of the time it was getting the kids to bed early to watch a movie and eat some ice cream. Life is equally full of new demands, but we still take time to date, and laugh together.

Feed the Faith: I love going to the Temple, my favorite part is the car ride home together.  That is when we both feel closer to our Father in Heaven and close together.  Another one of my favorite things is reading scriptures together. We have been working to read the scriptures in Spanish and it is so sweet for me to have Steve there helping all of us learn the language. 

When a marriage is centered on Christ with a deep friendship and careful consideration of each other the foundation of the relationship difficult challenges can be overcome.

 1  The Family: A Proclamation to the World, paragraph 6

2  Hawkins, J.H., Dollahite, D.C., Draper, T.H., Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspective, chapter 3, p. 28

3  Hawkins, J.H., Dollahite, D.C., Draper, T.H., Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspective, chapter 3, p.29

4  Hawkins, J.H., Dollahite, D.C., Draper, T.H., Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspective, chapter 3, p.30

5  Lund, C. (2008, August) Four Principles of a Joyous Marriage. Ensign